Writing an obituary is one of the most difficult things a grieving family has to do. You're being asked to capture an entire life in a few hundred words, under a deadline, during a time when your brain barely feels like it's working.

Most people have never written an obituary before. They don't know what to include, how long it should be, or what tone is appropriate. So they either cobble something together under pressure or hand the task off to someone else and hope it comes out right.

Neither approach has to be your experience. An obituary doesn't need to be a masterpiece. It just needs to be honest, personal, and true to the person it represents. With a little guidance, anyone can write one that does more than announce a death. It can honor a life.

What an Obituary Is (and What It Isn't)

At its most basic, an obituary is a public notice of someone's death. It announces the passing, provides key biographical facts, and shares details about the funeral or memorial service.

But a good obituary does more than that. It tells a story. It gives readers a sense of who this person was, what they cared about, and how they moved through the world. It's a snapshot of a life, written for the people who knew them and the people who wish they had.

An obituary is not a resume. It doesn't need to list every job someone held, every organization they belonged to, or every award they received. Those facts may be part of the story, but they're not the story itself.

The best obituaries make you feel something. They make you smile, nod in recognition, or think, "I wish I'd known that person." That doesn't require fancy writing. It requires knowing the person and being willing to let their personality come through.

Start With the Essential Information

Every obituary should include a set of basic facts. These form the backbone of the piece, and they're what newspapers and online platforms require for publication.

Full legal name. Include the person's full name, along with any nicknames or maiden names they were commonly known by. If everyone called your father "Big Jim" instead of James, include that. It helps people connect the obituary to the person they knew.

Age and date of death. Standard practice is to include the age at the time of death and the date the death occurred.

Place of death. You don't need to include the specific facility, but noting the city is customary. "Franklin, Tennessee" or "at home surrounded by family" are both common approaches.

Date and place of birth. Including where and when the person was born gives context to their life story and helps establish their roots.

Names of survivors. List the immediate family members who survive the deceased. This typically includes a spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings, and sometimes parents if still living. Include their cities of residence if you'd like.

Names of those who preceded them in death. It's customary to mention close family members who passed before the deceased, especially spouses, parents, children, and siblings.

Service details. Include the date, time, and location of the visitation, funeral, or memorial service. If the service is private, you can note that as well.

Funeral home information. Mention the funeral home handling the arrangements so that people who want to send flowers, make donations, or express condolences know where to direct them.

Then Make It Personal

Once the essential facts are in place, it's time to let the person's life shine through. This is the part most people struggle with, but it's also the part that matters most.

Think about what made this person unique. Not their job title or their list of accomplishments, but the things that defined them as a human being.

What did they love? Maybe it was fishing on Saturday mornings, building model trains, cooking Sunday dinner for the whole family, or reading mystery novels on the back porch. These details paint a picture that a list of achievements never could.

What were they known for? Every person has a reputation among the people who knew them. Maybe your mother was known for never letting anyone leave her house hungry. Maybe your grandfather was the guy who could fix anything with duct tape and a prayer. These are the details that make people smile and say, "That was exactly who they were."

What did they believe in? Faith, family, hard work, kindness, humor, loyalty. Whatever values defined this person, weave them into the narrative. It gives readers a sense of the person's character, not just their biography.

What stories capture who they were? A single well-chosen anecdote can do more than a paragraph of description. The time they drove three hours in a snowstorm to make it to a grandchild's recital. The way they always had a joke ready at the worst possible moment. The fact that they never once missed a Friday fish fry at the church.

These details are what turn an obituary from a notice into a tribute.

Choose the Right Tone

Obituaries don't have to be somber. The tone should match the person.

If your loved one was serious and reserved, a dignified, respectful tone makes sense. If they were the life of the party who would have hated anything too formal, let that personality come through. Some of the most memorable obituaries include humor, inside jokes, or lines that only people who knew the deceased would fully appreciate.

A few examples of tone done well:

A formal approach might read: "Margaret devoted her life to her family and her faith, serving her church and her community with quiet grace for more than fifty years."

A warmer approach might read: "If you ever ate at Margaret's table, you left full. Not just from the food, but from the feeling that you were exactly where you were supposed to be."

A lighter approach might read: "Bill would want you to know that he did not go gently. He went the same way he lived: loudly, on his own terms, and with a cup of coffee in his hand."

All three are appropriate. The right choice depends on who the person was.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Being too generic. Phrases like "loving mother" and "devoted husband" are fine, but they apply to millions of people. Push past the generic and find the specific. What made this particular mother loving? What did this husband's devotion actually look like in daily life?

Listing too many accomplishments. A long list of memberships, titles, and degrees can make an obituary read like a resume. Choose the few that mattered most and focus on those.

Leaving out personality. If someone reads the obituary and can't tell what kind of person this was, something is missing. Facts inform. Personality connects.

Rushing the process. If the obituary is due tomorrow and you're struggling, ask your funeral director for help. They've assisted hundreds of families with this process and can guide you through it. You can also ask a friend or family member who's a strong writer to help draft or edit.

Forgetting to proofread. Obituaries are permanent public records. Double-check names, dates, and spellings before submitting. Have at least one other person review the final version.

What About Length?

There's no required length for an obituary. Newspaper placements are often priced by the word or by the line, so cost can be a factor for print publications. Online obituaries, including those posted on funeral home websites, typically don't have the same constraints.

A standard obituary runs between 200 and 500 words. That's enough to cover the essential facts and include meaningful personal details without becoming overly long.

Some families choose to write extended tributes that run much longer. These are often published online or printed in the funeral program rather than submitted to a newspaper.

The right length is whatever it takes to do the person justice without padding the text with filler. Quality matters more than quantity.

Where to Publish

Most obituaries are published in one or more of the following places:

The funeral home's website. This is often the first place people look. At Stephens Funeral & Cremation Services, we publish obituaries on our obituaries page so they're accessible to anyone searching for information about the service.

Local newspapers. The Tennessean, the Williamson Herald, and other local publications offer obituary placement. Fees vary by publication and length.

Online obituary platforms. Websites like Legacy.com and other memorial platforms allow families to publish obituaries, create memorial pages, and receive condolence messages from around the world.

Social media. Many families also share the obituary on Facebook or other platforms to reach a wider audience quickly.

Your funeral director can help you coordinate placement across multiple platforms and advise on which outlets are most commonly used in the Williamson County area.

Involving the Family in the Process

Writing an obituary doesn't have to be a solo effort. In fact, it's often better when it's not.

Gather a few family members and share stories. Ask each person to contribute one memory, one detail, or one phrase that captures who the person was. You'll end up with far more material than you need, and you can shape it into a cohesive tribute.

This process can also be a meaningful part of the grieving experience. Sitting around a table and telling stories about someone you've lost is, in its own way, a small memorial service. It can bring comfort, laughter, and connection at a time when all three feel hard to find.



Let Your Funeral Director Help

If the idea of writing an obituary feels overwhelming, don't hesitate to ask for help. Funeral directors assist with obituaries regularly. They know what information to include, how to structure the piece, and how to capture a person's essence in a way that feels both complete and authentic.

At Stephens Funeral & Cremation Services, we sit with families and walk through the process step by step. We ask questions, listen to stories, and help shape them into a tribute that truly honors the life being remembered.

You don't have to be a writer to write a great obituary. You just have to be someone who loved the person. We'll help you with the rest.

Reach out to our team whenever you need help, whether it's writing an obituary, planning a service, or simply figuring out what comes next. We're here for every part of the journey.